The Archive: The Matrix (1999)

I can't name a movie more 'nineteen-nineties' than The Matrix, so quintessentially ingrained in the culture, both the inspiration and the malaise, of the last years of that millennium. Few movies have been so inspirational to the action movie genre, with camera techniques, special effects, and aesthetics to push the boundaries of what the movie-consuming public expects of its Big Summer Blockbusters. Few movies have had as many philosophy majors writing books upon essays upon dissertations on the philosophical constructs within a movie about people with leather, vinyl, explosion and gun fetishes. Few movies can be summed up by the single word, "Whoa."

Though I doubt very highly by now that anyone's missed out on The Matrix, it's still a part of my Archive, and deserves every square millimeter of space on my shelf. If you didn't see it when it was new, or in the decade-plus since its release, you may either have been too young to remember its release, or you simply do not watch sci-fi action movies. This post will not be a review beyond a brief plot summary, since it is such an old and widely loved movie. This post will instead be about how well The Matrix stands up after more than a decade of over-analysis, of reference, of parody, and of inspiring newer movies to do better.

The Archive: Dark City (1998)

The Archive is going to be a regular feature here on Stacking The Deck, wherein I go through the numerous movies in my collection. These aren't new movies, so they're not listed under regular Reviews, but they're still all worth buying for a variety of different reasons. Some you may have heard of, some you may have not, but every movie I talk about in The Archive is worth buying, or at least watching repeatedly. 

Dark City is a loving, twisted homage to every noir trope in history, moody and bleak and oppressively creepy. Everything from the perpetual night to the ominous music, the familiar yet corrupt architecture, the tortured characters. Though not a horror movie, it certainly lays on the paranoia and the horrific imagery and concepts - hardly any gore, though, since as established, this is no low-brainpower slasher flick. You will need a brain to appreciate this movie, even though the opening narration holds massive spoilers thanks to some doofus at New Line; I strongly suggest you mute the narration or get the Director's Cut to fully appreciate the narrative that unfolds. I will avoid as many spoilers as possible in this review.

Movie Review: Thor (2011)

Superheroes and I don’t typically get along so well, thanks to a general distaste for Silver Age moralizing and any level of fanboyism, along with a preference for characters to mature and stories to come to a form of closure. Anyone who’s read a comic book in the last ever likely knows about the comics industry’s allergy to letting an Intellectual Property (IP) end when it reaches a logical conclusion, rather than about ten years after it stops being relevant. The recent onslaught of superhero movies is accompanied by all the comic nerds belching a variety of complaints about the lack of adherence to the patently absurd existing canon of whatever childhood icon on display this week.

Thor takes those complaints and kicks them into a volcano before flying on a rainbow to the far side of the Planet Awesome, better known as Asgard. And it only gets better from there.

Wherever they found Chris Hemsworth, and whatever he does after this movie, are both irrelevant. This man was born and raised to play Thor, god of thunder, immense ham, and cocky warrior-prince, sent to Earth to learn a lesson in humility. They must have made the sets out of candy, because he, and in fact most of the cast – the ever-talented Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin, especially – chew the scenery with gusto. There is not a single ounce of subtlety to this movie; based on the performances, I imagine the script was basically the words “Do Awesome Stuff” underlined several times with a couple pages of “Thor Gets Run Over By a Car” and “This Scene Includes a Giant Rainbow Laser” because honestly, what else do you need to know to act in this movie?

Whenever Thor is not on screen self-parodying, though, the movie tends to drag. The conspiracy to conquer Planet Awesome, perpetuated by the triple-crossing machinations of Loki, troll of the universe, wastes screen time better spent on getting into special effects fights. The astrophysicists who follow Thor around – the least believable scientists since Denise Richards in “The World Is Not Enough”, Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings, spend their screen time lusting audibly at Mr. Hemsworth’s abs – are generally useless, even as audience stand-ins. The climax drags a bit, but as all superhero movies must, Thor ends on a positive note. 

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: Turning off your brain, special effects, man abs

SKIP IF YOU DISLIKE: Useless characters, black/Asian Norse gods, Natalie Portman in non-skimpy clothing

FINAL VERDICT: Rent. Unless you are particular attached to Chris Hemsworth’s abs or to the Thor property, I wouldn’t suggest watching this more than once. That said, if you can turn off your credulous nature for an hour or two, it’s a wild and unapologetic ride through space on a rainbow laser.

IMDB's entry on "Thor".

Movie Review: Drag Me To Hell (2009)

I haven't laughed this hard since "Evil Dead II". Which is fitting considering both are from the same director, Sam Raimi. Oh, sure, "Drag Me To Hell" has all the trappings of a suspenseful horror movie, all the gross-out, all the ancient occultism, all the scary soundtracks. What makes "Drag Me To Hell" excellent to watch, however, is the canny self-parody, the feeling that you know the characters are aware of their medium and are purposefully playing a joke on the audience with a wink and a nod in much the same fashion as a stage magician.

Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) makes the age old, though understandable, mistake of angering a witch through the everyday hubris of being a loan officer at a bank. For the crime of not extending her mortgage payments, the witch gives Christine three days before she is dragged to hell by the demon Lamia. As the curse gets progressively more difficult to contain, Christine and her boyfriend Clay (Justin Long) must consult a psychic, and later a medium who has dealt with Lamia before, to remove her curse before time runs out. The problem is, the more Christine struggles against her curse and gets more gore and dirt dumped on her and vomited into her mouth or eyes or whatever is convenient, the further she drags herself into the grip of the powers fighting for her soul.

The best part, honestly, is how tight the movie is. Nothing is shown that isn't used. The ending makes total sense, but it is presented as such an out of left field shock, the vomit or the bugs or the worse that is sprayed all over the main character is comparable to the ending. This is a movie that goes so overboard on the occultism and gore, then kicks all the wacky grossness into an incinerator at the end in one final attempt at nuking anything resembling subtlety. You are not buying a psychological horror movie when you get "Drag Me To Hell". You're buying a blowtorch with which to cauterize any weakness you might have to psychological horror movies.

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: Blondes Getting Expectorated Upon, Nonsensical Occult Horror, Bad People Losing
SKIP IF YOU DISLIKE: Gore, Horror That Doesn't Take Itself Seriously, A Total Lack of Subtlety

FINAL VERDICT: Buy if you liked the "Evil Dead" series (since this is pretty much a Bruce Campbell-less version of the same thing), Rent otherwise.

IMDB's entry on "Drag Me To Hell".

Movie Review: The Green Hornet (2011)

As expected, this movie was basically "No Social Responsibility Batman"; they took "The Dark Knight", stripped out all the pacing, subtlety, characterization, and plot, and replaced it with Seth Rogan getting kicked in the nuts for an hour and a half. Trying to make sense of how Britt Reid's (Rogan) father made enough money by running a print newspaper to fund the absurdly lavish life he leads? Good luck. Trying to make sense of how Kato (Jay Chou) has not only adrenaline-fueled bullet-time kung-fu, but also the ability to craft damage-immune cars from scraps in a matter of days, without any formal training? Yeah, not happening. The movie makes no attempt to explain the plot or character motivations, and the campiness of the concept is only outweighed by the absurdity of the execution. The two main villains lack the teeth to be a real threat to the titular hero and his supporting cast. By the time the credits roll, The Green BeeHornet had the highest 'kill count' overall, and the antagonists only succeed in thinning their own numbers. In other words, "The Green Hornet" is a manic amalgamation of unsubtle humor, painful characterization, and ridiculous plot elements, strung together with the flimsiest stock superhero structure known.

And that's fine.

There is a place in the world for these kinds of over-the-top absurd superhero parodies. Generally, I consider that place to be my local RedBox or cheap-seats second run theater, but even with all of the cinematic sins this film commits, it's still funny to see Cameron Diaz kick Seth Rogan in the nuts, mainly because he sorely deserves it. Despite the lack of plot pacing, the comic timing ranges from acceptable to actually pretty funny; again, though, for every few good gags, there's one or two that are either overdone or just fall flat. Also, for all the negative things I have to say about the content, the artistic style, from the cars to the costumes to the ending credits, is reasonably well done.

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: Physical humor, Campy heroism, No challenging concepts
SKIP IF YOU DISLIKE: Movies Without Much Plot, Realism, or Drama

FINAL WORD: Rent/Skip. Get it from a RedBox or NetFlix when it comes out on DVD. It's a fun movie, but patently absurd, and I wouldn't argue against you if you skip it.

IMDB's entry on "The Green Hornet".