Video Game Review: League of Legends - Part 2: The Community of LoL

In my last piece on League of Legends, I talked about the game, its features and purpose and why I'm done playing it. However, it is impossible to talk about LoL without addressing the issues surrounding the community. Infamous for its generalized hatred towards non-straight-white-males, nor anyone who dares treat the game as anything less than Serious Business, LoL's community is a two-headed dragon when it comes to internet jerkery. Having an extremely low barrier of entry (the game client is free and requires only a low to middle end computer) opens the game to a terrible case of GIFT. Having actual money on the line in the highest levels of play inspires the same kind of madness suffered by the participants and fans of what we must now refer to as 'physical sports' as opposed to 'e-sports'. Combine the two, and it is easy to see how LoL's atrocious reputation emerged.

There are enough (too many, frankly) horror stories I can direct you towards that I will not be spending a thousand words on explaining how playing LoL turns you into a racist woman-hating homophobe with the grammar of the average meth-addicted cave man. I will instead tell you of my actual experiences, where I met some fun folk, some obnoxious folk, and a whole lot more who just want to play a game about wizards and warriors and everything in between.

Video Game Review: League of Legends - Part 1: The Game Itself

I recently quit League of Legends due to a combination of circumstances. Before I leave it entirely behind, though, I want to take a little time to write about my experiences with the game. It's a fun little game, as are its brethren, but I got what I wanted out of them and am free to go onto other things.

Video Game Review: Suikoden III

My friend Joe and I beat the game Suikoden III, part of a somewhat lesser known series of Japanese turn-based role-playing games (JRPG). I might say Suikoden and its ilk are in the same vein as Final Fantasy but I can already hear the legions of Suikoden fans knocking on my door, Internet torches and pitchforks at the ready, for daring to compare this beloved series to anything short of solid gold sex. So before I go enraging all five of you, let me put this out there:

I love Suikoden III, and I think it’s the best in the series, probably one of the best of its genre.

Now that the legions of Suikoden fans have proof I don’t know what I’m talking about, let’s break down how Suikoden III fits, and how it averts, the best and worst of JRPGs as a genre.

Anime Review: Fullmetal Alchemist and FMA Brotherhood

If you thought our World War II needed more wizards, then Hiromu Arakawa provides this stirring tale of sacrifice versus reward and the search for truth in a world full of bad-asses flexing so hard that everything around them explodes. Two brothers seek the heretical power to bring their mother back to life, despite everyone in the entire world telling them what a phenomenally bad idea it is to engage in resurrection spells. Though their search for power is the primary focus of the story, they must also deal with an ancient conspiracy, growing Middle Eastern tumult thanks to military oppression, and the overwhelming nonsensical urges accompanying puberty.

This core setup is consistent between the two series, but their execution differs wildly. Fullmetal Alchemist (FMA), the first series, has a much lighter tone similar to Trigun: even though terrible things are happening all around them, plenty of filler episodes focus on physical humor, side jokes, and retreading the plot. There’s nothing wrong with lighthearted shows, but brevity is the soul of wit, and taking three episodes to explain one episode’s worth of material is a pretty significant waste of time better spent on advancing the plot. FMA: Brotherhood, in contrast, maintains a fever pitch of deluging people with information and action, while not dwelling on either for more time than necessary. Which is good, since FMA: Brotherhood has roughly twice the characters to keep track of, and covers about ten times as many events and conflicts. While both series maintain consistency in their magic systems, Brotherhood does not let its characters sit around and explain theory ad nauseum, preferring instead to show how it works with as many lightning strikes as possible.

Subtlety and inhibition are lost arts in Amestris (the world of FMA). People do roundhouse kicks to cut buildings in half. A sixty year old man cuts a tank in half with a sword. Clockwork cybernetic arms and legs – with hardly any inherent downsides beyond the pain of instillation – are the product of a respected and profitable industry. This is a place where realism is a four-letter word. And yet, the setting holds together – lashed together with duct tape and bungie cords, perhaps, but it holds, thanks in large part to the endearingly silly cast of characters. I can respect that if nothing else.

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: A world full of bad-asses, consistent magic systems, fighting “the man”

AVOID IF YOU DISLIKE: Genre mashing (cyborg wizards, etc.), ancient conspiracies, people exploding

FINAL VERDICT: Rent/Netflix a few episodes to see if it grips you. I like its unapologetic absurdity, but without a tolerance for genre mashing, some might get tired of its exuberant use of fantasy mixed with World War II technology.

Movie Review: Drag Me To Hell (2009)

I haven't laughed this hard since "Evil Dead II". Which is fitting considering both are from the same director, Sam Raimi. Oh, sure, "Drag Me To Hell" has all the trappings of a suspenseful horror movie, all the gross-out, all the ancient occultism, all the scary soundtracks. What makes "Drag Me To Hell" excellent to watch, however, is the canny self-parody, the feeling that you know the characters are aware of their medium and are purposefully playing a joke on the audience with a wink and a nod in much the same fashion as a stage magician.

Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) makes the age old, though understandable, mistake of angering a witch through the everyday hubris of being a loan officer at a bank. For the crime of not extending her mortgage payments, the witch gives Christine three days before she is dragged to hell by the demon Lamia. As the curse gets progressively more difficult to contain, Christine and her boyfriend Clay (Justin Long) must consult a psychic, and later a medium who has dealt with Lamia before, to remove her curse before time runs out. The problem is, the more Christine struggles against her curse and gets more gore and dirt dumped on her and vomited into her mouth or eyes or whatever is convenient, the further she drags herself into the grip of the powers fighting for her soul.

The best part, honestly, is how tight the movie is. Nothing is shown that isn't used. The ending makes total sense, but it is presented as such an out of left field shock, the vomit or the bugs or the worse that is sprayed all over the main character is comparable to the ending. This is a movie that goes so overboard on the occultism and gore, then kicks all the wacky grossness into an incinerator at the end in one final attempt at nuking anything resembling subtlety. You are not buying a psychological horror movie when you get "Drag Me To Hell". You're buying a blowtorch with which to cauterize any weakness you might have to psychological horror movies.

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: Blondes Getting Expectorated Upon, Nonsensical Occult Horror, Bad People Losing
SKIP IF YOU DISLIKE: Gore, Horror That Doesn't Take Itself Seriously, A Total Lack of Subtlety

FINAL VERDICT: Buy if you liked the "Evil Dead" series (since this is pretty much a Bruce Campbell-less version of the same thing), Rent otherwise.

IMDB's entry on "Drag Me To Hell".

Movie Review: The Green Hornet (2011)

As expected, this movie was basically "No Social Responsibility Batman"; they took "The Dark Knight", stripped out all the pacing, subtlety, characterization, and plot, and replaced it with Seth Rogan getting kicked in the nuts for an hour and a half. Trying to make sense of how Britt Reid's (Rogan) father made enough money by running a print newspaper to fund the absurdly lavish life he leads? Good luck. Trying to make sense of how Kato (Jay Chou) has not only adrenaline-fueled bullet-time kung-fu, but also the ability to craft damage-immune cars from scraps in a matter of days, without any formal training? Yeah, not happening. The movie makes no attempt to explain the plot or character motivations, and the campiness of the concept is only outweighed by the absurdity of the execution. The two main villains lack the teeth to be a real threat to the titular hero and his supporting cast. By the time the credits roll, The Green BeeHornet had the highest 'kill count' overall, and the antagonists only succeed in thinning their own numbers. In other words, "The Green Hornet" is a manic amalgamation of unsubtle humor, painful characterization, and ridiculous plot elements, strung together with the flimsiest stock superhero structure known.

And that's fine.

There is a place in the world for these kinds of over-the-top absurd superhero parodies. Generally, I consider that place to be my local RedBox or cheap-seats second run theater, but even with all of the cinematic sins this film commits, it's still funny to see Cameron Diaz kick Seth Rogan in the nuts, mainly because he sorely deserves it. Despite the lack of plot pacing, the comic timing ranges from acceptable to actually pretty funny; again, though, for every few good gags, there's one or two that are either overdone or just fall flat. Also, for all the negative things I have to say about the content, the artistic style, from the cars to the costumes to the ending credits, is reasonably well done.

WATCH IF YOU LIKE: Physical humor, Campy heroism, No challenging concepts
SKIP IF YOU DISLIKE: Movies Without Much Plot, Realism, or Drama

FINAL WORD: Rent/Skip. Get it from a RedBox or NetFlix when it comes out on DVD. It's a fun movie, but patently absurd, and I wouldn't argue against you if you skip it.

IMDB's entry on "The Green Hornet".